Tuesday, April 26, 2016

A Work in Progress

Good morning,
How are you today? When the sun comes, even on a cloudy day, I feel hopeful. The day holds promise. Some days like today are days for getting things done. I have bills to pay and things to do.
Living alone in the country without television my energy aura is less contaminated by the negativity of others.  After a lifetime surrounded by people and their energy flow I now find myself surprised when I encounter someone in a raging bitch of a mood.
Finally, I’m able to distance myself and not be caught up in the feeling. For me that’s huge! A childhood filled with fear and terror of parents doling out whippings and disapproval as if that child were Satan incarnate fills one with rage.
For forty-five years my loving husband, Kirt, filled that black hole. When he died I thought I couldn’t live without his love. In the three years since his passing I’ve learned to hold tightly to his love in my heart, be strong and peaceful. That’s no small feat for a woman, who has struggled to cap the rage, while attempting to project the love she wanted to embrace with varying degrees of success.
The rage monster in me recognizes itself in others instantly. I no longer wish to beat their beasts into submission with my own ferocity; that’s progress, but I’m still susceptible to energy contamination. That’s a mission along with many others such as patience and respect. I’m a continuing work, so I have hope.
Does anyone understand how this feels?  I could be just fecking nuts. J