Feeling purely dysfunctional, so what do I do? My center, where the heck did it go? Finding that balance took a lifetime; my demons chased me for more years than I care to contemplate. Harmony not quite attained, but I had contentment even in our most difficult hours, well, for the most part.
Spawned by the dynasty of I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it; I grew up negative. How could such a pissy little bitch have so many friends? Easy, it was the pissy little bitch tribe whining and complaining and being sarcastic to prove superiority. When is the female of the species more snarky competitive than puberty, which seems to last much longer in some than other girls? That’s who I was before Kirt.
They say you don’t really love others until you learn to love yourself. Books have been written on that very topic; won’t say I’ve read them all. The subject matter ruminates still because growing up with low self esteem makes it difficult to look at yourself with anything but a critical eye, which you also apply to the remainder of the world. Do you see all this negative crap lining up?
Positive light and love of God through a dark prism makes the task of attunement most difficult. I have an inkling of how blessed I am to have ever found my center in this life. The loss feels as unsettling as walking through your house during an earthquake.
With God’s help heading for the light from the dark night of my soul not a second too soon; what the deuce does that mean? It means I have hope again. Finding purpose and bliss would be extraordinary; wouldn’t it?
Friends, PLEASE, be patient with me.
Love and peace.