The shock and horror of the last
six months begins to ease, and I say begins because that’s about all. It isn’t
easing; it’s beginning to ease. There’s a huge difference. A helpless feeling
taking hold, I can’t get back many things, lost so much, but for my sake must
focus on what I have, how to live with that.
How do I live with going to the
movies alone? Or with bike rides along the ocean alone; how do I live alone? How many sunsets can I cry
through before I’m all cried out?
Sitting at home without TV with
only the internet for company I wandered to a site some friends told me about,
a dating site. I’m not ready for dating, but I have time on my hands, so I
signed on to a couple.
Being happy with my husband allowed
me to see through rosier eyes, holy shit I forgot how insane men can be. A
forty-two year old man began a conversation with me, “Hey, gorgeous!” I wanted
to reply, “Darling, what’s your mother’s maiden name? I think I may have gone
to school with her.”
A fellow in my age range opened the
conversation with, “What do you think of me?”
With only a photo and vague biography, all I could think was, HUH? What would
you have me say? His next line, “Let’s
meet.” Yeah, Dude, you’re so charming I can hardly wait.
How old was that kid? Bio said he’s
five foot one, before long I’d be bouncing him on my knee telling him stories,
hmm, nah, just kidding.
So biking and a movie for one on a
Saturday night, it is.
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