Cling or Let Go?

Should I cling to our love or love you enough to let you go on your journey? Change is the way of the universe and therefore God. Clinging to you the past six months has exhausted me. I hate being away from you! Lesson here is that it my liking or approval isn’t required; you’re gone. You’re gone; I hate it, but you’re still gone.

No doubt, me crying and carrying on the way I do, can’t be easy for you to watch. Sorry. God knows how much I love you, never more another. We were good; thanks for loving me. I don’t need to tell you of the place in my heart; you know.

The threads of the fabric of our lives are breaking: a coffee maker we used, the pillow you slept on. What we did each day is now what I do alone. As our life becomes my life, struggle at each step hurts. Some days it feels as if my life force aligned with death, ready waiting for the command to begin, but that would mean not fulfilling my life purpose. Who even knows what that is?

As Joseph Campbell said, “Follow your bliss.” It’s time to forgive God for taking you, and you for going. The night before you died, you called, “Mom!” Now, I understand and accept.

Making the rest of my life the best it can be is my responsibility and challenge. After all the certainty of my life with you, I need to be a peaceful center in a world of chaos. Just f---ing great! Love you, honey bunny.