In the past two years I’ve been lazy, lacking motivation or self-discipline. Nothing really matters anymore, I hated being alive without my husband. When your life implodes, you’re left a shell, a Gregor, a big roach carcass.
My re-make began with who the hell cares, why am I bothering and, oh, screw it.
What did I still like? Or love? Anything? ……..Not a lot…..
In my youth, I went through an agnostic phase, but it shocked me that I could be so angry with my creator. God, I was pissed. Life challenged and punched us, but we made sweet lemonade. God gave me to love, someone, who loved me.
Why wasn’t I dead? I don’t know, but I believe God has plans. And since we’ve had a long term relationship, I’ve been going with the flow, as much as I accepted my loss.