Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Deadline Two Years Ago

The second anniversary of my honey’s death comes in six days. The enormity of who and what I’ve lost makes me shutter.  But as I calm down, I can feel his love around me.
Days, when I feel him traveling with me, please me; yesterday, at the mineral baths in Coamo, I felt him. The mountain vibes and aruvadic music relaxed me in the hot water to the point of experiencing his positive presence. Peace, how seldom I’ve felt it in a lifetime.
The trials of life buffet me as never before. It sucks to be old and alone, when you’ve been part of a happy couple. The car maintenance alone wipes me out. I hate doing that.
I trusted everything about my husband; he did what was best for us, no fooling. My other trusted inner circle passed after him.
People aren’t who you want them to be; who they are, takes time to discover. A new inner circle takes time.
For my love, I walked away from my business and life at home in Illinois to live two years with him on a tropical island. I’m not crazy about the part where he left me, but I wouldn’t miss the two years together for anything.
Alone on a tropical island isn’t for everyone; I’m not sure it’s for me. For now, I’m embracing the aloneness; hanging with my dogs, sleeping, watching movies, and trying to figure out how to help the Puerto Rican island dogs. Oh, and going to the gym, which I do three or four days a week.
MY friend, another widow, enjoys much the same things as I, so we go to festivals, ballet, the bath in Coamo, and beaches. The blue of the Atlantic Ocean mixed with the verdant green island touched by orange, purple, and rose softens my nerves. She’s fun.
My lonely life doesn’t hurt as much. That means I’m healing, but tears come without warning, some good, some bad.
He was so good to be with; I miss him.  

  

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