2010 What a Year!

We drove to our home in Puerto Rico as fireworks displays lit our way. Falling in love with the street dogs of the island led me take an animal control course in San Juan. A chance to experience San Juan and make friends opened a new door.

This is the year I officially became an animal activist and animal control officer #10. My cause became Spay Is the Way Puerto Rico.


Four months in our tropical home gave us an idea what it would be like to live someplace other than our home of almost 30 years in Yorkville. January to April could not have been better.


Our golden puppy, Shaker grew into a handsome dog. He lived with a couple of rottie ladies, but remains a momma’s boy.


Summer in the Midwest hanging with the dogs under the trees, can’t be beat. Best party of the year honor goes to Jim & Teresa re-nuptials on the shore of Lake Michigan. A perfect day to celebrate love.


A week on Norris Lake we were happy and in love again. Kirt’s family reunion is always a highlight of the year. Missed his nieces and nephew this year; It would be a joy to have the time to get to know them better.


Once back home in Illinois, work began and never stops. Personnel problems were the bane of my existence. Now, we have 2 new guys, who are doing fine. We miss Linda, who has been here for 6 years. Pray for her health, a big battle looms for her.


Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad,


God bless, best wishes for you and yours in 2011.


2011 Imagine that. Xoxo Tricia and Cool Dude Kirt

Teenage decisions Again

I think I understand why they refer to retirement age as your second childhood. Between my teen years and now has been a steady progression of life. Now, I am departing the main channel off on some tributary.
It will be a great new adventure when I quit trying to get back to what I think is the main stream.
What do I do with my life isn't a question I've asked myself in a long time. Things just kind of unfolded before me. Don't get me wrong I helped alot. My career of the last twenty-five years has been all about the love of dogs.
It's hard to give up what you're good at to go off nto the unknown. Why do I have to make a decision now?
Give me grace.

Hola Pablo Happy Birthday

In too many conversations I tell you how much you remind me of my brother, then you get an earful of what I don't like about my brother. Twice now my mouth has had a will of its own blurting out all these toads. Lo siento mucho, my dear one, you do remind me of my brother in so many good ways.


My brother is a tall handsome dark haired man; his wit is quick and smart. It’s fun when he isn’t shaming or making fun of someone.


We had each other for safety when we were little. I looked out for him to a fault. He loved to needle me; he was a typical baby brother. Our best times were in the dark of evening, we would lie on the floor listening to ghost stories by “Morgus, the Magnificent”. Our heads were inches away from a transistor radio an uncle gave me.


Like you my brother is capable of intelligent, insightful conversation. Sometimes when talking with you I remember what it once was like when my brother and I talked.


It must be said; I have a much better time talking to you. You can be a little smart ass that just keeps you spicy. You listen as well as share.


My brother’s women would always tell me how they LOVE my brother. It is like déjà vu hearing Pablo’s ladies tell me how they LOVE him and want to marry him.


My brother lost his way when he lost his respect for those who loved him and spoiled him.


I missed having a good looking younger man in my life, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

God Will Slow Your Butt Down

Today I just feel like loony loose in the world.  There should be a capacity over load immanent warning sign on my  ass. 
I have tons of keeping the farm kind of work to do; writing is an obsession and I'm on a crusade. 
How do you keep balance in your life? Am I obsessive-compulsive or highly motivated?
Today I felt crazy out of control. At 2 pm I promised to be and intended to be in a courthouse in Lares, Puerto Rico. The mountain roads are beautiful driving, so no problem. Oh, we must stop at the bank first, just a little detour; not.
Eating lunch in the car to make it on time, when the sky opens up with the biggest gusher. It was like driving in a car wash. Usually I push on through anything, but today my Angel told me to pull over., just then where we would have been was a tree and the electric line. We would have been there!
The trial of the 100 dogs in Lares went on without us. We celebrated being alive and unharmed with the rest of our sandwiches while we watched the police reroute traffic. 
I'll be back to work next week, mean while who wants to help spay about 200,000 bitches?

Make It A Good One

A big birthday bash is all well and dandy, but a good bit of annual introspection is a horse of another color.
My husband has figured out the best birthday present in the whole world for me, slave for the day. I like it.
Time for introspection used to be a blue time; it's not exactly rainbow lollipops but it's not a red hot pain in my rear either; enough, ok.
My one good girl friend from here called to wish me a happy day. She is a great lady in any crowd; I love her dearly.
For many years my family was the focus of my love and devotion. Every member of my immediate family has lived with us a year or more.
My husband has been a doll enduring my family. All praise to my most tolerant honey.
For years my effort brought the family together on holidays and in between. After years of doing the whole shot for everybody to the tune of this is what's wrong with it.
 Whoaa! If I am going to be cranky for an hour after I talk to you, maybe, I don't talk to you so much is a good answer. 
Yah know what; I still love them and wish them well. Family, please know I am having a great birthday in Puerto Rico. Thanks, for all your good wishes; gotta go.

And The Winner Is

Tonight was to be a night of celebrating: the water company has finally capped the gusher, we have water pressure; I got my badge and it's my birthday.


A good friend invited us over for the evening. We haven't seen him but once since we got back to Puerto Rico. This man is loads of fun, the kind of guy, who once he knows what makes you laugh gets you going till your jaws ache.


My girlfriend and Colonel Shit Face have been invited as well; her usually quick wit plays well with our host. This gathering promises to be fun.


Colonel Shit Face has a way with life stories told with the body language emphasis of the raised brow and the knowing gaze, tall tales from an amber Scotch haze will totally amaze. Until she is ready to hear the truth, denial will rule, so why not party?


How disappointed I was when she called to tell me that the colonel was crunching some numbers and they would be late! “Honey, can’t he do that tomorrow? It’s my birthday, let’s celebrate.” I cajoled her. “Oh, no, he’s running a program to come up with the winning lottery numbers!” she said with sincerity. He’s doing what??


He’s quite a guy, so I shut my mouth; who knows tomorrow I may need to borrow a million. By gosh, now I know what it means to smile a shit eating grin.

Who Is more Screwed Up Than Me?

Why is it always easier to see your friend's problems than your own? Why are we hell bound to our own destruction?



I don't understand why I've limited my life the ways I have. Even more baffling is why my good friend always picks bad guys. She's a smart, talented lady who has everything except a steady guy.


No, that's not true, she has a new man she's known for six months living in her house. The man tells her he is going to add a second story to her house, but he doesn't replace the burned out hot water heater. Yeah, that's right they are taking cold showers. He tells her how much money he has, but it's all tied up. The government won't let him access his money.


He drives a convertible BMW, but for six months it's been making its way home. You know how these things go, maybe tomorrow.


This guy is an incredible catch; she's so lucky to have him. He is a colonel in the marines for which he was a pilot, a deep sea diver. He worked for the CIA and was in the Reagan white house working with Oliver North, yet he stands in line with the privates at the VA hospital for treatment.


Just when I think I am the most screwed up woman in the world; I realize, no, I hang around with her. God, she is one of my best friends. What slays me is that no one can tell her. She wants a man in her life so badly, that anyone who tries to tell her is immediately excommunicated from her life. So I shut my mouth and wait for the train wreck.

Balance & Boundaries

Memorial Day was  great for catching up with friends. We ate, talked and laughed.
We got to visit with a friend we haven't seen in a couple of years. She looked rested, at peace. This is one together lady on a bad day, but still I noticed a change.
Effortless control is a sweet spot for one's life. Heaven knows it has eluded me. Control in my life comes at the mega cost of energy and stress. Passions take your mind off what's wrong in your own life and that's very good, but an aura of contentment, wow, I had to find out more.
Like me, this lady works hard; she is always busy. This to be sure is reality for most of us, when you're not busy woking; there are the demands of loved ones. Do this for me, help me with that, spend time with me; we do it because they are loved ones.
The demands on our time has been a regular conversation for us or rather a regular gripe session, so when she gently said, " I've just had to set my boundaries." I just looked at her. How do you get to where you can say that gently?
I am too stupid to set a boundary until pushed far enough the end of the rope is at hand and I'm angry, certainly this comes with my family history. That's not an excuse, I must get over that.
When she told me about her mom demanding she see  her every day, she told her mother, "You have a son, get him to visit you." with no resentment in her voice. That was the part that was so different.
There is a balance that comes with self respect, boundaries are set because they belong there; not because we need them for self preservation. Holy, that has got to be a really sweet spot!!

How Lucky Is This?

My husband is a sweet easy going guy, who mostly has no problem with what I want to do. Life is pretty much whatever I want to do next, as long as we can afford it.
Where do I want to go eat? Where do I want to go on vacation?
The choice and responsibility is always mine. He complains about it sometimes, but I am always on one quest or another, so that seems fair.
I told him I wanted to go to Russia to see the dogs that take the trains, all he said was, "How are you going to pay for it?"
Does he have any interest in going to Russia? No. If I get to go, he'll be there with me.
That makes me so lucky. I know that.
The flip side is he takes no active participation in our lives; that's my job. He is along for the ride in his own words. I get resentful when he snipes; I don't want to hear it.
I don't think I would mind doing something he likes, but that's never an issue. There's that part of me that says don't complain; suppose he wanted to do something you really hate.
He's made me feel safe, since I met him. I know he loves me. Don't I sound like the fool for complaining?
My birthday is soon. He has never bought me a birthday present. Hell, he never remembers my birthday. Sometimes he buys me an anniversary card.
After a missed birthday, I've made him give me his credit card and gone into a jewelry store to buy something more expensive than I should hoping next time he'd just buy flowers. Oh, no same thing happened the next year.
I've been pissy with him for two weeks already; my birthday isn't for another week. History tells me that my birthday is just another day to him.
 In recent years I've taken to mentioning my day in advance; jog his memory, no luck there. This drives me nuts; it's like I am not worth effort.
Don't think I haven't told him how I feel. He tells me that he's sorry it bothers me. He has also said things like, "I don't know what to say to you." Huh??
I'm getting tired of being in charge of our lives, but I can deal with that. All I want is for the man to go out of his way for me two times a year Christmas and my birthday.
He'll "let me have my way", but he won't go out of his way.
I know you're supposed to take people as they are; why is this so hard???

Still Figuring It Out

Gads, I just read my first two posts on this blog. That sounded pitiful; nothing could be further from the truth. I have made a great life for myself.
During the rebellion years, I did believe that it would have been better for all if I had been aborted. That was back in the days when I placed more importance on how other people felt about me, than my own feelings.
Coercive ways of raising kids teaches them to limit their behavior. Don't do anything, so you don't screw up and get beat. It twists how you see the world and worse your own feelings. Who knows what they are other than angry? I always preferred that to scared, so I never recognized how scared I was.
Do you ever wonder why you made some of the choices you've made? So many of the choices I've made at the time, they seemed wild and out there. Now, I realize most of my choices were because it made me feel safe.
Heavens knows I always thought I had my own drummer. The dark, drab colors I wore weren't a statement. They were to blend in; to not be noticed. Hey, I got my wish there.
After a few years of therapy my shrink told me I was officially normal. Still being a young smart ass my reply was, "What, normally f---ed up." She being the perfect therapist for me said, "Yes, that's about right."
What a true moment that was. Since then I've found a better balance in my life, but it's at a lower functioning level.
Where the devil is my owner's manual? My life is too much like, if all else fails read the directions.

Unloved

When you grow up unloved, it screws how you see the world. I am not talking about just feeling unloved, but parents behavior reinforcing you are not loved.
If you're five and your mother packs your bag putting you and it out the door; that's a clue you are not well thought of at home. 
If you've been good all day and you hear your mother say, "Get her first, she's the oldest." because your father is ready to beat your brother for something he did; you are not getting a loving feeling at that moment. 
You live many more examples of this negativity reinforcing experiences, but these are two of my personal favorites. So nothing you do pleases your parents, you suck. 
So how do you get from unhappy and worthless to productive positive member of society? Ha-ha. Do you?
Growing up you mistrust anyone who is good to you, while drawn to them like a moth & a bug zapper.
Have you ever had a meal at a friend's house when you were a kid? How did the parents treat your friend?
My one friend from grammar school, Barbara R, her family liked her so much; it amazed me. What completely felt strange is that they seemed to like me. I was always so afraid that my parents would talk to Barb's parents & tell them how bad I was, which would spoil everything.
Who knew that this Polish family on the south side of Chicago would be among my first positive role models? At the time I wondered why her parents were so good to her and mine beat the crap out of me, when we got into trouble together.
Who can go through a childhood like that without, shall we call it rebelling? Barb and I lost touch during the rebellion. When we last spoke she had just married with first child on the way.
So many times I wondered; what causes one family to act like they like each other and another family to act like they don't.

Invisible

Holy dog dung, I can't believe this is my third blog. Hee, hee humans find so many ways to express themselves. We are such a creative, screwed up lot.
If blogging were available back in the day I could have saved all the dough that paid my therapist.
Have you ever felt that you went about your life and very few people pay attention to you? How many times have you talked to someone only to realize that person's mind was tuned into a totally different channel?
My own mother never asks me how I am. The woman asks how my husband is; how are the dogs. Oh, how's your girlfriend from New Orleans? Her family? 
One of the coolest things about having friends is sharing who you are with somebody who cares about who you are. When a friend frequently interrupts your turn to get back to her; what are you supposed to think?
People are always telling me about themselves. In the airport, at the check out counter it doesn't matter. People want you to know who they are; they have a story. So often there is a sense of urgency in them, that you hear their story. 
Some stories are interesting, cute, funny, sweet; some are flat out lies, only one so sadly boring as to wish the phone would ring.  People's stories are almost endlessly interesting in one way or another...
An introspective person might deduce, I am one big bore; the extrovert, well, who cares. Let's just hope they don't get together to figure out how egocentrist we all are.