Alone for months sitting in a room
with your ashes, my head hurts, puffy eyes burn, nerves spark, and stomach
churns, finally it’s time to move on. Home to happy days and darkest horror,
our last home together; farewell, we’ll scatter you on the first anniversary of
your passing, when I return.
Not ready to say goodbye to you, or
this place. Dropped the dogs off at our friend’s days ago; I miss them too.
Pulsing in the back of my neck, snotty nose, yes, I’m ready for New Orleans; in
what reality?
When I walk out this door, its
official, my life without you begins. No more you and me in the world, just me.
I miss you so much. Just me, how can this be? It was always us. Now, who do I
trust? I’ll go to places we’ve been before, remembering how happy we were.
Your love has shaped me into the
woman I am; you are part of me. We are not apart, but I want to hold your hand.
Take offs and landings require your hand. I hate being without you.
Big Easy Parades pulsing to the
beat, masked men throwing cheap jewelry, the crush of crowds; what was I
thinking? Quiet contemplative months ended by the chaos of Bacchus; did I
intend total immersion? Visions of traffic jams wind in my head; no, that’s my
skull aching. Time for fun, live, laugh and be happy, Mardi Gras is a symbol of
the good life. I didn’t know I’d be coming in for liaise bon temps roulette.
Apparently, I was out to lunch when
the plans for my life were drawn up. The script read after twenty-five years of
taking care of the man you love beyond measure, forty-five years of marriage;
he dies, and then you’re on your own. Hell, I’d do it again; we had a great
life. Thanks, Babe.
Til death do us part, you don’t
think you’re getting off that easy; do you? God promised me a do over, if I do
whatever it is the rest of my life is about, so I’m going to New Orleans to
check it out. I love you, Honey; later, Dude!
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