On Being Alone

Recently I've read things that say if you don’t like being alone, you don’t like yourself. If you don’t like yourself, you can’t really like others; blah, blah.

Alone is how I've spent most of the last year after being with my husband 24/7 for twenty-eight years. We were married for forty-five. I've had a difficult time with being alone; it’s an adjustment I didn't want to make. I loved being married to my husband. We were the old couple who didn't have to talk, just being together was the thing.

Was focusing on him a way of avoiding myself? I've wondered, so I began to treat myself special, being good to myself. I’m the only one I have to please, what a concept. In part it’s very nice and another part it feels too self-indulgent.

What I've learned is that I like myself, have for a long time. When you know that someone loves you as much as you love them, it’s easy to put them first. I’m lonely for a good reason. I signed on for a life with someone and it worked out. We were great together. I've lost that. I have a right to be lonely. That doesn't mean there’s something wrong with my relationship with me.