Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Half of We is Who? Me?

Silly, sweet, sometimes stupid, seldom mean, never wicked, lately sad and self-absorbed, smart upon occasion describes me, so does smart ass once in a while.
Self-discovery! Shit, I remember taking that trip many years ago. I liked the adult I became as a result of the journey. Easy had nothing to do with my life. Whacking at it, sooner or later, got me where I wanted to go. I worked hard, and had the life I wanted.
They tell you to visualize what you want, to stay focused. We had retirement plans for winters in Puerto Rico and a few summers in Europe. Many nights in Illinois we sat before a blazing fire discussing whether we wanted to live in Tuscany or The Netherlands first.
The Big Recession obviated any further thought on that, so winter in Puerto Rico and summers in New Orleans staying at my sister, Darlene’s became our back up plan with touring the states in a camper as sub plan. We had a new plan.
Sister and husband took off without me last year. With the most important person in my life gone; I wanted to die with him. My Darlene gone three months later; how do I picture my life with no one in it?
Their deaths are birthing a new life for me, a painful delivery, my essential identity; proving once again you’re never too old to be scared shitless.




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