Silly, sweet, sometimes
stupid, seldom mean, never wicked, lately sad and self-absorbed, smart upon occasion
describes me, so does smart ass once in a while.
Self-discovery! Shit, I
remember taking that trip many years ago. I liked the adult I became as a
result of the journey. Easy had nothing to do with my life. Whacking at it,
sooner or later, got me where I wanted to go. I worked hard, and had the life I
wanted.
They tell you to visualize
what you want, to stay focused. We had retirement plans for winters in Puerto
Rico and a few summers in Europe. Many nights in Illinois we sat before a
blazing fire discussing whether we wanted to live in Tuscany or The Netherlands
first.
The Big Recession obviated
any further thought on that, so winter in Puerto Rico and summers in New Orleans
staying at my sister, Darlene’s became our back up plan with touring the states
in a camper as sub plan. We had a new plan.
Sister and husband took off
without me last year. With the most important person in my life gone; I wanted
to die with him. My Darlene gone three months later; how do I picture my life
with no one in it?
Their deaths are birthing a
new life for me, a painful delivery, my essential identity; proving once again
you’re never too old to be scared shitless.
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