Finding the path from sadness and depression to
contentment, that’s so hard. On days when I have something to do I’m good.
There’s no more crying during the party for me; tears are brief and more
bitter-sweet.
Convincing myself to enjoy the rich texture that is
my life because Kirt shared it with me works, when I take the time to remind
myself. Lost in the abyss of alone comes easy.
When I’m with other people, even if the connection
is minimal, I feel better than alone. Frequently relief and tranquility greet
me at the door after a dose of strangers, but being alone requires self
stimulation; what do I do with me?
When Kirt would praise the beautiful flowers
surrounding us on our porch, I felt so sweet to please him. I loved doing
things for him, with him. Our relationship could be described as dynamic, but
there was always love; sometimes more, or not, dynamic.
I am so blessed to have had the ups and downs of
love in my life. Perhaps, if I loved myself as much as my husband did, well,
who knows?
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