New Normal

Somebody once told me that whatever your reality for the last six months, that is your new normal. WTF!

In the last three years I’ve ranged from completely f’ed up to pretty much half assed presently.

Losing eighty per cent of the good things in life hits hard; just think about it, 80%: a job, a business that was a passion, our beautiful home in the shade of a forest reserve, a husband with whom life was happy, family, and friends. All were lost within a few years.

Giving myself credit for twenty per cent to the good may be generous, but if you can’t tell by now, I’m generous. To the good I’m: healthy, only a tad or so forgetful, my house on a tropical island is easy to clean, the gym I inhabit four days a week costs less than thirty dollars a month.

When you’re mourning the best of your life, who gives a shit? For a long time very little mattered. It’s hard to be nice when you hurt; that’s my new normal.

Some people say, “Life’s a bitch, and then, you die.”

I couldn’t disagree more; life is certainly hard, but gratitude for the person who could have done you wrong and didn’t is a good place to start. For all those, who have been kind or loving to me, thank you.

 My honey and I found beauty on our rocky path; we gave back and felt good for it. Have you ever just loved being with someone? Couldn’t wait to be with that person again? We could fight, oh, my, we could argue. I could stay pissed, too. We were never perfect, but what a lovely fit!  Our time together was a gift.  

With his death I lost my rock; I am alone and adrift, since my BFF from childhood and Aunt Margaret died. A woman I know lost her mom eight months after her husband died. They were the major receptacles of her love. She’s drinking herself to death.  

So, three years later trying to give a shit about the present and still lost is my new normal. Fortunately trying is still part of it. It gives me hope for a better normal.