The scent of wet humus wafts in the window on the
cool, moist air. A chill feels good to me as thunder rolls through the hills. Nothing
like a lazy, rainy day, I just finished reading See How They Run by James
Patterson; no wonder why I’m feeling moody.
Times of feeling alone, separated from loved ones
are the most difficult to deal with; don’t you agree?
We confronted our problems admirably; dare I say with
dignity. We were strong.
Alone, I’m becoming a strong woman again, but
there’s little heart in it. The biggest freaking irony is that I’ve lived in my
head more than my heart. My life’s process has been to learn to live more in my
heart. I wanted to feel things more acutely. I had to want that! The tight rein I held over my feelings didn’t
suit me. Goodie.
At every point in my life I believed what I was doing
was preparing me for my life’s purpose, which I thought to be as a dog trainer.
But I’m still here, so I have further purpose, but the thought of fulfilling my
destiny no longer sparks my imagination.
We had goals and dreams that we worked hard to achieve.
We were always going somewhere or doing something. Things at first seldom
worked out, but how sweet it is when they do. We made a nice life, but then
things happened and now I’m alone.
My life partner, my best friend from grammar school,
and my closest family member all died within two years. That’s more alone than
I’ve ever felt.
Depression parked it’s behind on my shoulders and
rides like a cowboy, but bit by bit a new woman emerges, who likes to go and
do. She’s finding her strength, and hope for a meaningful life apparently
springs eternal.
The rain has passed; the air is still, only a
single coqui sings. I’d better go do something.
My best to you!
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