Sexist or Defensive or What?

I’m mystified by the exchange that went on in my car on Friday night.

I was taking two friends to an ocean front, open air little place for what is some of the tastiest octopus in a pie shell on the island.

At the red light I got into the left lane. Sometimes this lane gets blocked up with people making a left into Home Depot, but this wasn’t the case at the moment. Just up the hill on the right is the entrance to the toll road to San Juan, so sometimes the two right lanes get blocked with people going from the left lane cutting across to hit the entrance to the city.

As the light turns green my male passenger says,

“You should always get in the middle lane. The reason I’m telling you this is that you can get blocked by cars making a left.”

Of the six cars ahead of me at the light, the first two took off like bats out of hell, three pulled into the promising middle lane, and one pulled into the left turn lane. I had a clear lane; unless I took flight to catch cars one and two. I smiled pleased with being three cars ahead of where I would have been in the middle lane.

Frankly, I thought my driving skills should be receiving compliments, if anything.

“No, you should get into that middle lane. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

He said in a just too patient tone. Up till that I’d been ignoring him because I focused on driving.

“Why are you saying this?” I asked. “What’s wrong?”

He replied, “You should have gotten in the middle lane back there. Why are you so defensive? You’re being defensive.”

My female friend provided the “Amen” chorus, “Yes, she’s being defensive.”

“I can’t figure out why you’re telling me this; what prompted you to say anything? How could I have improved that outcome?”

This I asked without a feeling of being defensive because it surprised me that he was saying anything. I was pleased with the outcome. When you can tell me how I can make things better, I’ll listen. It didn’t make sense to me to get in the middle lane when I see it won’t improve my outcome.

My adorable little female friend took up the chant,

“You’re right; she’s being defensive!”

This was as much of this crap as I wanted to deal with, so I said,

“How about we change the subject; or I pull over to the curb to let my unhappy passengers out?”

The silence didn’t last. We’re much too jolly for that. What bothered me was that I’d improved our position in line more than I could have by being in the middle lane, yet I’m listening to people tell me how to drive. No, it was a man telling me how to drive and a woman agreeing with him.

My husband, who was a king of the road with two million safe miles to his credit, taught me how to drive. I read the road and make my decisions. Without a problem or a reason, I don’t see why I should change; do you? Am I wrong?

Does anybody see this as sexist? Do you ever hear one man telling another how to drive?

Hey, man, you should always use the middle lane!

Reply,

You want to f’ing drive?

The only way that conversation would go differently is if the driver worked for the passenger, or father to son. It would be a hierarchal situation in which the passenger was dominant to the driver.

Don’t get me started on my little friend, who thought she was going to enjoy seeing me squirm.