Throughout my life I’ve been a hard worker, taking
charge of my life’s direction. It’s never been easy, but the satisfaction of
getting things going the way I wanted was enormous.
It appears that I’ve lost all of that along with
everything else. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me; hell, I don’t want to
feel sorry for me. I’m doing my very best to make it better, but right now my
best sucks. I’m still so f’ing depressed and want to cry when I’m not being
entertained or actively occupied.
If I had huge responsibilities or had to work,
there would be no time to boo-hoo, but that’s a backward step, better to deal
with my feelings, so I can be present in my life when I’m not entertained. My,
I feel better already.
Yeah, what happened to my joy when gardening;
that’s completely gone. Flowers slowly die; plants cry. Nothing receives adequate attention. What did my
father call it? Giving it a lick and a promise; that was it. That’s so not me.
Being the weird child I was, I decided that self
discipline would stop or slow the beatings, so my life became an exercise. My grades
went up, I could stand, staring at the picture of Jesus captioned will you pray
with me for the required hour. With puberty that went to hell in a hand basket,
but I digress.
Growth spurts take place in times of stress; we all
know that, but don’t like it. Grrr.
People say they’ll never have another dog after
losing a beloved pet member of the family because it hurt so much; I say I’ll
never have another husband for the same reason. Who believes that?
Time to go to the gym to release endorphin, but the
DMV hasn’t sent my renewal application for city sticker and its due, so I have
stand in line to get the application, so I can have the car tested, and then
stand in live to pay for the sticker. How fun!
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