What If

Can you be alone? They say it’s a test of one’s maturity. In the case of humans by mature do we just mean overripe?

During my forty-five year marriage, I found myself wanting to be alone at times, but never desired it as a chronic condition.

Lovely people live in my life for whom I feel varying degrees of connectedness. Only a few ever make it to the inner circle of trust status. I mean how many people do you meet whose company you enjoy enough to want to repeat the experience? Very sweet people don’t always have enough in common with me for the encounter to be more than a pleasant blip on my day. God bless them all.

Can people go mad living alone? Does spending too much time encourage eccentric behavior? We all have some things in common, but then our proclivities jump into hyperspace in a million directions. If we don’t have a companion to bounce things off, does the mind gallop far off in search of feedback?

Without that inner circle family of closeness, the strength of your center battles for survival until tempered or you go crazy, which is a scientific term for can’t handle it.

I see signs that cause me to believe aliens are influencing life on this planet. It makes me feel like I’ve gone electric boogaloo, but when I’m alone in public I see people focused on each other.

That seems right, huh? Moms and dads observe and react to active offspring, lovers coo, and cuddle or huff and fume; it’s all fun to watch, but I’m apart enough to notice what goes on in the space between people. Sometimes it looks like pixie dust; isn’t that nuts? Other times I see what looks like heat waves. Yeah, I know what visual effects go with low blood sugar; this isn’t that.

At my age all of this could be neurological, but what if it's not? Most of us believe that we’re not the only life in the universe. I mean, what if we just haven’t recognized their tracks in the snow or in the sky?

Wouldn’t an advanced race have improved stealthy observation and maybe travel to our planet over time? Could the gods that watched Rome be observing us in super stealth mode?

Being alone shifted my perception to the spaces in between us; there I see the anomalies or maybe I having a mini-stroke. If I’m being honest I have to own that possibility.

Rather than hang out with my mouth open, I look for effect. What’s different? Call me crazy, but people seemed more hostile. Sometimes I’ve felt it myself, suddenly I felt agitated, like don’t piss me off bitch. Without a nearby bitch, I thought low blood sugar; I’ve been there. When dark chocolate doesn’t help you’ve got to wonder, que pasa.

These little blips happen so fast like little tectonic shifts in the tropics frequently go unnoticed.

And then, maybe, my brain has ripened into mush; quien sabe?