What do You Make of This?

On 4/29 I wrote Thanks and Good Bye to a man after the level of verbal abuse crossed a line, which frightened me. It was one aggressive verbal outburst. The daily verbal abuse masqueraded as jokes with me as the butt.

The day after I wrote Thanks and Good Bye, I sent him a text thanking him for all he had done for me and asking him if he wanted to meet to talk. I sincerely honor all that he did for me and didn't want to part on unfriendly terms.

On 4/29 He sent me this email:

Deeply sorry that I hurt you. Believe me when I say that was never my intent. Please keep positive, and if there is ever anything I can help you with let me know. You're welcome for the place to crash and for everything. A bit late for this, but I shall use kid gloves with your feelings in the future. Please forgive me for the oversight. Keep doing your things--the writing and observing of nature and her creatures. And learn more of the other things that you would do but don't do yet.

May God go with you and guide you,

My reply was: Got your email. Still friends. Hate to see us uncomfortable with each. Talk?

The email below came today. We haven’t talked. I don’t know what to think about this 5/16 communication.

You once asked me if we could talk though I doubted you were sincere when you mentioned this. But I have some thoughts about you that you probably should hear, and so this letter with its information follows:

I hope you take it in the loving way it is intended, yet I know you don't do well with people who analyze you or offer any kind of critique. Before you react to circumstances that upset you, you should take a deep breath and realize that folks are not all dead set against you, and it's not you against the world. Your perceptions on such matters are often incorrect. Despite the fact that you hold your insight in the highest regard, it is often “out there.” I can just hear you saying, “Well that's your thought on the subject.” Of course it is—just as your thoughts are yours, but you have expertise in some fields I would not pretend to challenge because you've been steeped in them so long and know what the standard fare is in those areas. You should afford the same respect to others. Does that mean the norm and general patterns are always right? Of course not, but they are how things are interpreted in this life at this moment, and they are generally accepted. Do your ideas hold more weight than others in fields you are endeavoring to learn? Hardly—regardless what you might think. Of course your opinions hold great value for you, but not necessarily for the general population—not in some areas.

By your own admission, you are a runner. Whenever a situation you don't like presents itself—you flee from it, even when there is no danger to you. Are your feelings fragile at this time in your life? Perhaps, but believe it or not, others have feelings too. A word of advice: You can't run from yourself. Wherever you go—there you are, stuck with yourself again. Oh well. That's a problem we all have, but many stay and face situations, seeing through the eyes of  with their flawed selves, coping with the what we like about ourselves as well as what we don't like. Are you perfect? You tell me. I hadn't thought so. All that is said to you and all you think is screened through your imperfect perceptions. Whoopee—we all have to deal with imperfections, even me.

I offered you a place to stay for no charge, helped you find a good vehicle, took time from my day to show you around and help you with your touring, helped with gas money, gave an assist with your storage, introduced you to people—all with no other purpose than to “hopefully” make a friend. I was taught by my mother that you can't buy friends, you have to be one. So I tried to be one and failed in your eyes. Nonetheless, if you find me offensive, I understand. You have some flaws in that regard as well, but I learned to cope with them. If you don't like me, well that's on you, and I can live with that. However, the WAY you left, like me or not, spoke volumes about who you are. I deserved better than you leaving with no explanation or note or call.... Though it was already established that you're a runner, I gave you credit for better than that.

Am I “mean” for writing you this note? Maybe in your mind, but that's not my intent, and don't think you know how I “mean” anything. For the most part, you don't have a clue. My taking the time to think this out, write it and send it should say something? You're always the one who is obsessed with “owning” things—own these facts about yourself and create a better Patricia.

As for this evil, bad boy, he expects nothing from you. And you've taught me just how much you would prefer not to know me. So goes it. Be well, and get over your hate—all of it. Just let it go.

Blessings,

What do I say to this?