Gratitude in Widow Land

Thank you, God, for forty-five years of learning about love, learning to love when young and lusty, when comfortable, fat and sassy, under stress, duress in sickness and disability, always caring, always, kissing, holding hands, wanting to be together LOVE.

I no longer bawl wildly out of control, screaming, sobbing; thanks. My tears simply flow down my cheeks impolitely plugging up my nose. This new toned down version is a blessed improvement; thanks again.

Do I sound bitter? My best friend from childhood, she’s bitter. She lost her husband after Katrina. He was in a hospital having test when Katrina struck. She searched for him online and by phone after the hospital shut down and patients evacuated all over the states. Records were lost, things happened, his cancer went undiagnosed until treatment too late. This woman is bitter, dark and sad. I’m just lost without my guy.

I’ll thank you again for any help with not feeling like a fish out of water, with not feeling like the Widow Carr, a breed of females apart from society.

The last time I was single, I was an awkward teenager; thanks for the opportunity to relieve that experience in an old body. I can hardly wait.

I’m not bitter; I’m scared. That’s something I rarely felt in the forty-five years I was married to my hero. When I was with him, I thought I could do anything. Thanks, Honey, that was so awesome.

So, God, thanks for giving me the right guy for me. I admired your work on that one!