Nothing screws with my head like
family. Now that my aunt is back home and doing well enough to find her
critical voice again I think I’ll cancel my trip, which went from a mission of
caring for her and keeping her company to a “vacation” as soon as she felt
better and comfortable at home.
While I’m glad to have my strong,
hardcore aunt back, I’m not interested in leaving Puerto Rico with the low
temperature of 70 for Louisiana with a low in the 40’s. I’ll take my vacation
in spring, when I would prefer to go.
Recently, we’ve had too many
conversations in which she has told me what my husband ”really” thought about
my writing, how much time I spend on the computer and what I “should” have been
doing. She knew him better than I did, the poor man. How do I grit my teeth or
remain composed when listening to that?
My husband adored me, only death
could take him away from me. We were together 24/7, since 1988 after his
accident. We worked out our differences and became almost one. We were always
two individuals. We were both strong people and personalities crazy about each
other. Why does my aunt feel required to rip that to shreds?
To be stuck in her house listening
to her tell me how he “really” felt sends shivers up my spine. He hasn’t been
gone eighteen weeks; I’m lost and alone in my mourning. I don’t need to subject
myself to abuse in the name of family love and concern.
I still answer her with “Yes,
Maam,” respect. I love her dearly. She has many wonderful attributes, but she
doesn’t get to trash my life under the guise of what she calls “honesty.”
How long does it take people to
understand most of what we call truth is just our opinion?
Spending my first holidays as a
widow with her is suicide; that’s my opinion.
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