It's not bad enough that I'm sad and lonely, apprehensive about a future alone. I must at this point remind myself why Kirt and I preferred to be away from my family.
I"m going to take care of my 88 yr old manipulative, domineering aunt, who is also sweet and loving and all of those things a southern belle manages so well.
I'll teach her mutual respect and compromise or leave. It has to be that way. In my family I always ended up feeling guilty and inadequate. My husband really loved me, which taught me to love myself.
I have to learn how to say, "F you!" in a nice way, I'm so hostile.
Margaret is the queen of my way or no way. We both had husbands who spoiled us.
We'll either work it out to live together compatibly or I hate to think.
I don't intend to allow my life to be trashed for family duty, this needs to be good for both of us.
I have a friend who takes excellent care of her mother. She caters to that ungrateful woman, who never has a good thing to say to her or about her. I've wanted to tell the old girl how lucky she is; "I'd have put your behind in a nursing home a long time ago." Grrr.
Ok, a few deep breaths, calm down, lower the blood pressure.
My family is still embroiled in all the negative psychological stratagems/shit that screwed me up in the first place.
I must add that I love these people and they love me. Love isn't the issue; how we behave is the issue.
Welcome home almost feels like a threat with out Kirt to balance them out.
God, if this is a test; give me strength, please.
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