Mindfully staying focused on each
day’s activities, hoping to get in the swing of my new life, I’ve searched the
classifieds for a stationary exercise bike, things to put in my itinerary for
New Orleans, but my hands are sweaty and my stomach is twitching. Tears hang in
the corner of my eyes wanting to come.
Tomorrow is the first Thanksgiving
without him in forty-five years. How can this be? Ready to scream and cry
again, I didn’t know this level of sad and lonely was even possible. This pain
has got to end or at least decrease. I feel so broken.
I think back to the desperate days
after his death when I seriously thought about walking into an ocean current.
Today, I wish I’d done it.
Now, quivering, crying, all snotty
nose happy horse shitting as my darling would say; what do I do?
In time I’ll take comfort in how well
my husband loved me, but today the pain of his loss feels so unbearable. God,
why do you do this? Is there a point to all this pain? Don’t YOU love me? I’m trusting
YOU to take good care of my darling. This
hurts, but I still love You and I’m praying for your grace to get through this.
Only You have the power.
No comments:
Post a Comment